You know them. They’re everywhere. Maybe they live next door to you, and through your paper thin ghetto-ass walls you can hear them scream at the top of their lungs at their poor girlfriend to get the screaming little shit of a kid because “I’m playing Xbox!” Maybe you actually heard one of them say to a 3-year old during the fireworks extravaganza you attended earlier this month “thanks a lot for ruining my Fourth of July. I guess I got beer at home to take care of that!” Maybe this makes you want to carry around abortion clinic business cards and stab pro-lifers with coat hangers. Either way, a couple of these fuck-hole members of society should be neutered or spayed faster than autistic alley cats with syphilis.

The first group is the parents with 11 damn kids at the Dollar Store. Every damn one of them running through the store with Big Gulp Code Red Mountain Dews, the world’s stickiest lollipops, and one of those fucking slimy/sticky-hand things from the bubblegum machines out front (which somehow already looks like it’s touched more carpet than Dick Cheney’s daughter.)

Now I have lot’s of friends with children, and all of them, until they get old enough to discover video games and text messaging, are always coated with some sort of brightly-colored flavored corn syrup/mud mixture. And I know when I hug them that I will be forced to go home and change my clothes. But these are my friend’s children. I love them. I don’t give a fuck about your slow-class kids who will no doubt grow up to invent the next generation’s crystal meth or potato gun. So please, next time leave them in the car, preferably with the windows rolled up under the hot sun, instead of keeping them close enough to play Spiderman with the back of my shirt in the checkout line as your personality-challenged ass ignores them all and reads fucking Us Magazine. Those are the typical bad parents. They almost get a pass. They probably had typically bad parents themselves and they just don’t know any better. Bless them.

The next group though is even worse. They are the parents of tomorrow’s suicides. They are a rarer breed, but one that you can spot nearly everywhere if you keep your eyes peeled. They are the over-the-top socially anxious parent. These parents are so goddamned afraid of human interaction that if their child so much as sneezes in public he’s out of dessert until Jesus comes home.

Now, I was recently down in Morehead City, North Carolina taking in some sun and human fuckery with old friends (shout out TimS with a big MC EIHT JEAH!) when I spotted this breed. As I ate a great dinner on an open patio with my back to the beautiful Crystal Coast I was nearly floored by the disgusting act of parenting that I witnessed. Our table was having a good damn time, snapping pictures, making jokes, and enjoying what my crew back home calls “good laughs” when the little man sitting next to me must have felt like it was his turn to join in the festivities, by turning and burping at me. That’s it. Just some silly little mouth gas and a smile.

Now this isn’t exactly good manners, or how he should probably behave, but judging by his mother’s reaction you’d have thought he committed a moral sin against God. This simple bitch proceeded to snatch little dude by the arm, drag him three feet down the bench, and snarl “say excuse me” in a voice that reminded me of Christian Bale as Batman. A little over the top I guess, but still, at this point I’m not ready to choke-slam the hooker. Nor am I about to put any of my limbs within striking distance of her mouth either. Not until she digs her nails into his thigh, and with tears in little dude’s eyes, says with that same snarl, (only whispering now) “You feel that? those are my nails!… you keep it up and…” Now I didn’t exactly get the rest of the threat, maybe the blood flowing into my head from the anger impaired my hearing, but all I know is it took everything I had not to Russian-sickle that dumb hoe into the ocean.

This sorry excuse for life really just dug her nails into her poor son’s leg while threatening him in public with more violence and somehow thinks in her simple fucking brain this is less of a scene then the little burp and a smile? Young man, if by some fucked-up event of fate you ever come across this rant floating around on the internet when you’re older (and searching for some identity), you run far, far away from that bitch. Immediately stop trying to gain her approval and run, dude. It’ll never happen, I barely met her over a half-hour dinner and I can tell you that will be one miserable cunt until the day she dies. Run!

Selected by TimS –

As I melt away in my first summer under the North Carolina sun it feels appropriate to post some of my favorite 9th Wonder tracks. Those that don’t know this cat can feel free to fall on something sharp…

Bishop Lamont – “First They Love You”

• Bishop Lamont – First They Love You

Off of Bishop’s 2007 street album Nigger Noize, this track is a perfect example of the way 9th can bang the boards while showing his vocal sample wizardry. And Bishop nails it as usual.  The other two guys (PR1ME and Indef) don’t even get an official name drop. And they won’t stop that heroin-nod that the beat will induce.

Jay-Z – “Cold Success”

• Jay-Z – Cold Success

Off of the 2008 mixtape Viva La Hova. Some people complain that 9th’s drums don’t hit hard enough but he usually employs other thing to add force to his productions. Check the way the drums and piano come in and out of this song (all samples coming from Coldplay, so you know you gotta do some work to make that shit bang.) Add some Jigga and Nas and you got a sonic treat.

Ludacris – “Do The Right Thang”

• Ludacris – Do The Right Thang

Off of Luda’s 2008 Theater Of The Mind album featuring Common, with an intro from Spike Lee. Do I need to say more?

Murs – “Pusshhhhhh”

• Murs – Pusshhhhhh

Off of the 2008 free album Sweet Lord (my favorite by this pair, and not because it was free.) This song (along with “Are You Ready?”) perfectly displays the chemistry these two have with each other.

Sean Price – “Let It Be Known”

• Sean Price – Let It Be Known

Off of Sean P’s 2006 indie classic Jesus Price Superstar, this song allowed Little Brother’s Phonte and 9th Wonder to temporarily steal the show from Sean. The stuttered-drum pattern and faint guitar sample set the perfect tone for Phonte (maybe the best verse of ’06) and Price to verbally assault the mic.

Wale – “Say It Again”

• Wale – Say It Again

One of the many highlights on Wale’s new mixtape Back To The Feature, this one just happens to feature Royce Da 5’9” kiiiiiillllllllllling his verse, as well as the perfect combination of 9th’s trademarks – soul samples and vocal samples. Download this tape now, right here.

Little Brother – “No Time To Chill”

• Little Brother – No Time To Chill

Off of the 2007 9th Wonder album Dream Merchant 2 – this shit bangs!!!!!!!!!! Point blank. Period.

]]> http://jointcontrast.com/2009/07/the-jukebox-%e2%80%93-produced-by-9th-wonder/feed/ 1 http://jointcontrast.com/2009/02/if-theres-crack-in-the-basement-crack-heads-stand-adjacent/ http://jointcontrast.com/2009/02/if-theres-crack-in-the-basement-crack-heads-stand-adjacent/#comments Wed, 18 Feb 2009 07:17:55 +0000 J. Charles http://jointcontrast.com/?p=513 By – TimS

As I sit here preparing to write a couple album reviews (not really reviews, just a couple short articles explaining why I like what I like in a charmingly obnoxious manner that infiltrates your brain matter, therefore causing you to deeply respect my opinion and adhere to it’s merits), I feel obligated to write a brief eulogy.

In the passing weeks and upcoming months we mourn(ed) some of hip-hop’s most brilliant contributors in the likes of J Dilla, Big Pun, Big L, and next month, The Notorious B.I.G. In some way or another the body of work created by these gentleman has shaped the way hip-hop will be remembered as well as the way it will be created henceforth.

But my eulogy is on a more personal note. I recently moved to North Carolina after a brief stint in Rochester, NY. I spent a couple years at SUNY@Purchase (located outside NYC) creating music, making an ass out of myself, consuming copious amounts of drugs and amassing an insurmountable debt. And before that I resided in Ohio, the land of cornfields and smoke stacks, Amish buggies and crack sacks. So it’s safe to say that even though the recent and unreasonably cold weather here in Tar Heel Country provided some slight similarities to my former homes, my time spent braving the brutalities of the northern winter is essentially over. And with that came the reality that I unfortunately will no longer be walking ice-covered sidewalks with a wind chapped face and snotty nose, headphones blasting the ultimate winter soundtrack – The Cold Vein by Cannibal Ox.

From the opening vocal sample “Yeah it’s a cold world out there, sometimes I feel like I’m getting a little frosty myself” to the opening line by Vordual Mega, “Life’s ill, sometimes life might kill”, this album is as dark and cold as your soul sometimes manages to feel when hoofing it after the sun’s gone down, and trying to avoid the wind drifted snow as you make it to your destination (pick a metaphor, any metaphor). El-P’s best work? Probably, if only because of the overall synergy between his production (I was going to use an adjective for his production but let’s be honest, there is none), and what Vordual Mega and Vast Aire bring over top it. The production manages to be so cohesive that it feels like the album is one song with multiple acts, yet the songs don’t bleed into each other in annoying redundancy.

And now, a ridiculously over-the-top winter analogy alert… the album plays like a bitter winter night itself in the way the tempo (wind) changes, yet the tone (temperature) remains the same. Those that walk the winsome walk of winter know that the thought process wanders, not aimlessly, but it wanders. Fingertips numbingly grip a cigarette tip, the smoke blends with breath in the frigid air. All this reminds me of the stream-of-conscious rhetoric provided by the Ox MC’s. The subject matter is hard-hitting and fragmented full of grandiose themes, socio-economic observations, verbal middle fingers, self-realization and a few moments of hope.

Sounds like a cold walk home to me. And to be honest, sometimes I miss it. But you know what, it’s not so bad walking home in a t-shirt in February listening to A Tribe Called Quest.

So goodbye old friend. And just know that every time the temperature begins to dip, I strap my boots tight and remember that on this Real Earth every Atom can maneuver through Raspberry Fields like a Pigeon on Painkillers, as long as you remember the F-Word and never Stress Rap. And I’ll never be a Ridiculoid because A B-Boy Alpha begins in my Vein and if the world wants to destroy my Iron Galaxy I’ll tell them to jump Straight Off the D.I.C. and then let the Ox Out the Cage as I prepare for the Battle of Asgard.

And if you don’t know, now you know…

Saturday began the fest of college football bowl games to be played over the next three weeks, leading up to the National Championship showdown between No. 1 Oklahoma and No. 2 Florida.

Included is a breakdown of how 14 unofficial Joint Contrast contributors view the outcome of all 34 bowl games for the 2008-09 season. We’ll return after it’s all said and done to review the outcome of our panel.

-- Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Tim Tebow of Florida gets twisted by two Michigan defenders in last year's Capital One Bowl in Orlando. This year the Wolverines are stuck watching the College Football Bowl season from their dorm rooms while the Gators play for their second title in three years. (Photo by Scott McCall) --

The Details: Though the committee is deadlooked on matchups involving Boise State/TCU, Hawaii/Notre Dame and Kentucky/East Carolina, they are in total aggreance that Texas Tech will defeat Ole Miss and Missouri will handle Northwestern.

Just as lopsided are predictions of South Florida over Memphis (13-1), Georgia over Michigan State (13-1), USC over Penn State (13-1), Maryland over Nevada (12-2), Kansas over Minnesota (12-2), Texas over Ohio State (12-2), BYU over Arizona (11-3) and Alabama over Utah (11-3). By a 10-4 margin Wake Forest was selected to get the win over Navy, Fresno State over Colorado State, Central Michigan over Florida Atlantic, Florida State over Wisconsin, Oklahoma State over Oregon, Houston over Air Force, Boston College over Vanderbilt and Georgia Tech over LSU.

Closer though are 13 games that may help decide bragging rights, at least until the March Madness Tournament gets underway in a few months. Among those predictions are Southern Miss over Troy (8-6), California over Miami (8-6), NC State over Rutgers (8-6), Rice over Western Michigan (8-6), Oregon State over Pittsburgh (8-6), South Carolina over Iowa (8-6), Clemson over Nebraska (8-6), Buffalo over Connecticut (8-6) and Ball State over Tulsa (8-6).

North Carolina is favored over West Virginia (9-5), Louisiana Tech over Northern Illinois (9-5), Virginia Tech over Cincinnati (9-5) and Florida over Oklahoma in the title game with an average overall combined score of 60 points.

What This All Means: Actually, nothing really. Especially when you consider the rooting interest that each of the 14 panelists have in such a contest. There are fans of the Fighting Irish, Seminoles, Buckeyes, and of course Gators, that made these picks. And you best believe that of this collective are selectees who have quite the dislike for many of the qualifying teams. So if your stuck on who you might pick in some of these matchups I encourage you to proceed with caution. Or just pick the team that suites up in your favorite colors if you can’t decide.