Please, stop me from rambling on and on if you’re already familiar with this particular automobile device. It blinks, to the left and to the right, with the idea of alerting other drivers on the roadways of your intentions to either turn or switch lanes.

Ironically enough, it’s called a turn signal. It’s conveniently located in front of you as you drive, and happens to be more vital to your safety then even the seat belt. But evidently most people have no fucking idea where to find it, much less know how the fuck to use it. Thankfully, it’s quit simple to find though. Even easier to use. Join me as I walk you through a short tutorial.

First, sit your retarded ass in the driver’s seat of any car you shall choose and stare at the steering wheel in front of you. (The fact that you immediately buckled-up really pisses me off, by the way.) We’re not going anywhere. Just stare at the fucking steering wheel. (I’m now realizing that seatbelts were originally created because of people like you.) Assholes such as yourself have been causing accidents for far too long. So pay close attention. What you are about to learn is vital to the well being of the rest of us driving around.

You see that object sticking out to the left of the shaft behind the steering wheel? It might also have the controls to your headlights, which I hope you already know how to operate. Well, simply put, before you ever decide to turn the car left (or even think about swerving to the left, in your case) push that thing down towards the floor. Likewise if ever you need to make a right turn (or even think about swerving to the right.) Just flip that thing towards the sky. An arrow should begin blinking before you, indicating which command you happened to choose. On the outside of your car other drivers, such as myself, can see the blinking too, in effect giving us a fair chance to avoid your should-not-be-permitted-to-drive-ass from causing an accident.

See how easy that is? Maybe next time I won’t have to pull up beside you and inadvertently teach your kids some new cuss words and watch your wife’s jaw sag down below her breasts in disbelief, after nearly rear-ending your dumb ass in a 45-mph zone.

Now, I’ve got a pretty good idea what you might like to scream back at me at this very moment, if only you had the balls to. “You were driving over the speed limit and riding my bumper!” Well of course I was, you piece of shit. I’ve got places to be. And as usual, I’m running late. So get the fuck out the way. Or at least give me the heads-up first (with a turn signal) before you actually do plan to let me get by.

Oh, and for the record, I didn’t realize you had kids in the car with your unsafe ass. Otherwise I may have settled with simply spitting a loogie through my passenger window, into your face.

Besides, by following these simple rules (which you should have learned way back before you were even issued the permission to drive) you might just save your own life. Or at least avoid the road rage from civilized assholes such as myself.