First, know your budget before getting the holiday started…

Then relax with an uplifting Fourth of July movie…

Now pick out a nice outfit to slide into before the festivities begin…

Leave time to rummage through your cassette tape collection for some theme music…

But whatever you do, wherever you are, stay far away from these fire’crackers’ on the Fourth…

And enjoy the lasting images of the grande finale…

But whatever you get into this Fourth of July, try not to forget what the celebration is really all about…

Start off with an Irish beer or two. Or maybe you prefer Irish whiskey instead. Just be sure to match it up with some tasty Irish food for good measure.

While you’re feasting, have a seat and enjoy a movie…

Then head out to the pub for more booze and song…

And no matter what you find yourself getting into on such a joyous day, be sure to be cheerful, be kind towards your fellow people, and pay some mind to getting your ass home in one piece for there is work to be done once the daylight returns!

– By Craig Mazer

I grew up getting presents and, until years later, never really thought much about how fucked up it is that gift expectations are instilled at such an early age. At some point I made a switch, a connection.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love the feeling of giving someone something that they really appreciate; there’s an amazing excitement that I find when you know someone is surprised and thrilled by something you did.

But how can that joy come from events based on and damn near requiring the giving (and expectation) of gifts?! I say, it can’t.

 – Image by Adbusters –

Sure, people will still love getting stuff and some people will still love giving (because there are some people that get excessive joy out of giving stuff to their loved ones, e.g., my mom). But for a large majority — and I’m making an assumption as  I don’t care to research whether this is, in fact, true or just a self-confident leap – shopping for gifts when “told” to (i.e. birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas, Hanukkah, baby shower, engagement, wedding, anniversary, birth, Father’s Day, Grandparent’s Day, graduation, etc.) ends up being a real pain in the ass.

(Note: There are some events where maybe a gift is in order, such as graduation, a true accomplishment, but not just for saying “yes” to a question you weren’t expecting or didn’t really want to answer but did, and now relishing in the excitement of having registered at four different kitchenware stores. And not for birthdays.)

Maybe I’m just resentful, as a non-gift-giver and, mostly a non-receiver of gifts (my parents are unrelenting), but I find frustration in the expectation of receiving gifts, especially when the expectant receiver has provided a checklist of potential gifts for the resentful giver to choose from. Okay, maybe that’s too harsh. Maybe not.

My niece recently celebrated her first birthday and she was enveloped in a mudslide of colored plastic toys and clothes of all types with nary a clue what was happening. Sure, there was the “I’ll chew on this” and “I’ll give ‘em a smile for that” responses, but for the most part I could have dangled my keys in front of her and gotten the same result. I’m sure many of the givers were totally excited to see little Zoe’s reaction to the avalanche of made-in-China items, but it just seems like it’s a bad precedent to set with an impressionable child.

I was listening to NPR the other day and a famous chef now working in Orlando was talking about how his wife always makes sure to have an extra gift around the house during the Christmas season just in case someone shows up unexpectedly. Man, that got me steamed. It’s really the impetus for this column, though consumerism has always been something I’ve had strong feelings about.

So what’s my point? During these tough economic times, more than ever, I’ve been aware of the desperation for producers to sell and consumers to consume. It seems to me that if people learned to live with less and, instead, push concepts that foster the idea of giving to “those who need” and not just because, this country, at least, would be turning an evolutionary corner. Maybe it’s not the “get out and spend” attitude our most recent administration has pushed, but it seems to make a lot more sense – and it’ll help you save dollars, too.

Before settling in to celebrate the holiday, Joint Contrast contributor Dank Lucas dug deep to uncover “The 9 Lil’ Known Wiki-facts of Christmas.” They are Included below for your holiday amusement. “I mean, it’s according to Wikipedia,” said Lucas of the list. “Take it for what it is. You didn’t actually think I was going to put in any real work over Christmas did you?” (Typical Dank… Enjoy!)

9.) Jesus Christ’s real name is believed to have been Joshua Bin Yosef - Some say Jesus probably lived in Galilee for most of his life where he spoke Aramaic and Hebrew, and that the name “Jesus” comes from an alternate spelling of the Latin “Lesus,“ which in turn comes from the Greek name “Lesous.” It’s since been translated into English as “Joshua” by way of the Greek’s transliteration of the Jewish Scriptures (Hebrew/Aramaic), where the name became “Yeshua”, as in “he will save.” Scholars believe that one of these was likely the name that Jesus was known by to his peers. “Christ” (which is a title and not a part of his name) is an Anglicization of the Greek term for Messiah, literally meaning “anointed one.”

8.) December 25^th was a holiday long before Christianity - “Sol Invictus” or ”Unconquered Sun” was the Roman state-supported sun god created by the emperor Aurelian in 274. It is said that the Romans held a festival on Dec. 25 called Dies Natalis Solis Invicti (the birthday of the unconquered sun). Dec. 25 apparently was the date after the winter solstice with the first detectable lengthening of daylight hours. When Julius Caesar introduced the Julian Calendar in 45 BC, Dec. 25 was noted as the approximate date of celebration. In modern times, the solstice falls on Dec. 21 or 22. 

7.) Yule or Yule-tide was a Germanic midwinter pagan festival involving a sacrificial feast that was absorbed into Christmas - The pagan Germanic peoples celebrated Yule from late December to early January on a date determined by the lunar Germanic calendar, but the festival was placed on Dec. 25 when the Christian (Julian) calendar was adopted.

6.) Saint Nicholas of Myra is the primary inspiration for the Christian figure of Santa Claus - They say he was a 4th-century Greek Christian bishop of Myra in Lycia, a province of the Byzantine Anatolia which is now in Turkey. Nicholas was famous for his generous gifts to the poor, in particular presenting the three impoverished daughters of a pious Christian with dowries so that they would not have to become prostitutes.

5.) Images of Santa Claus were further popularized through Haddon Sundblom’s depiction of him for The Coca-Cola Company’s Christmas advertising in the 1930s - The popularity of the image spawned urban legends that Santa Claus was in fact invented by Coca-Cola or that Santa wears red and white because they are the Coca-Cola colors. In reality, Coca-Cola was not the first soft drink company to utilize the modern image of Santa Claus in its advertising. White Rock Beverages used Santa to sell mineral water in 1915 and then in advertisements for its ginger ale in 1923. Furthermore, it has been said that the massive campaign by Coca-Cola simply popularized the depiction of Santa as wearing red and white, in contrast to the variety of colors he wore prior to that campaign.

4.) The Puritans of 17th-century England and America banned the holiday as either pagan or Roman Catholic - Following the English Civil War, under Oliver Cromwell’s government, Christmas was banned. Then following the restoration of the monarchy, and with Puritans out of power in England, the ban on Christmas was satirized in works such as Josiah King’s The Examination and Tryal of Old Father Christmas.

3.) Christmas is bad for the economy - Christmas is typically the largest annual economic stimulus for many nations. Sales increase dramatically in almost all retail areas and shops introduce new products as people purchase gifts, decorations, and supplies. An economists analysis calculates that Christmas is a deadweight loss under the orthodox microeconomic theory, due to the surge in giving gifts. This loss is calculated as the difference between what the gift giver spent on the item and what the gift receiver would have paid for the item. It is estimated that in 2001 Christmas resulted in a $4-billion deadweight loss in the U.S. alone. Because of complicating factors, this analysis is sometimes used to discuss possible flaws in the current microeconomic theory.

2.) Santa and Baby Jesus are in cahoots! - The current tradition in several Latin American countries (such as Venezuela and Colombia) holds that while Santa makes the toys, he then gives them to Baby Jesus, who is actually the one that delivers them to the children’s homes. This story is meant to be a reconciliation between traditional religious beliefs and modern day globalization, most notably the iconography of Santa Claus imported from the United States.

1.) Xmas has been an alternative spelling of Christmas long before current religious debates over the abbreviation - Some believe that the term is part of an effort to “take Christ out of Christmas” or to literally “cross out Christ”. It is seen as evidence of the secularization of Christmas, as a symptom of the commercialization of the holiday because the abbreviation has long been used by retailers. Some say the word “Christ” and its compounds, including “Christmas”, have been abbreviated in English for at least the past 1,000 years, long before the modern “Xmas” was commonly used. “Christ” was often written as “XP” or “Xt” as referenced in the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle as far back as AD 1021.

The Vitals: Redneck reindeers? Christmas in jail? Would somebody actually have the balls to pop a cap in Santa’s ass? Those are just some of the twists and turns on the 2008 version of Happy Muthaf—in’ 2008 Holiday Season. Somewhere between the satire and sincerity there’s some good music amongst the mayhem, which has been included to help fight off the holiday anxieties while preparing to celebrate.

Copies of this comic escapade were shipped out to seven states, to 18 towns in all. Some showed up by surprise and others as expected. The music found its way out of Florida to California, Illinois, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia and West Virginia. To cities with names as familiar to some as Orlando, Chicago, Canton, Orrville, Wooster, Canal Fulton, Wadsworth and Sanford to those with obscure titles such as Alexandria, Pacifica, West Mifflin, Cross Lanes, Cicero, Nelsonville, Delaware, Magnolia, Urbana and Lodi.

By my estimation that’s a list which includes dirty politicians, the title of a Creedence Clearwater Revival song, the name of a state, some tasty butter popcorn, and the place Mickey Mouse takes a dump on minimum-wage workers each night.

But about the music. Read on to learn more about this special collection of holiday cheer…

Things Come Together: The idea stemmed from a creative night inside the shed behind my house. It was early summer 2007 and my brother and I had been recording and rerecording a few songs on an analog four-track. The later the night got, and the more inspiration we sucked down, I began rambling on about mailing copies of the recording to everyone we knew. I’d dub it our “Thanksgiving single” in honor of the holiday, at least so I reasoned at the time.

Rambling, rambling, rambling. That’s what I continued to do. Get a good buzz going and you’d be surprised at how clever you think are. I likened the idea to that of the vinyl singles Pearl Jam fan club members have received over the holiday season for more than a decade now. So as you may figure, the Thanksgiving song never saw the light of day once I awoke the next morning, or more accurately, early afternoon. Still, something even greater emerged from that session.

Months later I dug through the mounds of CD’s and music files I’ve hoarded over the years and compiled quit an interesting mix of alternative holiday songs. As it turns out, to little surprise, they happened to stray from the typical tunes that get played out each and every season. None of the selections were sought out for inclusion purposely. They just happened to be around when the set list was getting put together.

The Roots of the Release: The backbone to this year’s release, as opposed to what made up Volume I in ’07, is a country-music collection I bought for a buck or two at the Sanford Flea Market. I still remember the look on the black dude’s face as I paid for the Time Life exclusive Redneck Christmas earlier this year, with a beer in one hand and a backwards ball cap atop my head. That was the moment I knew a second volume of holiday goodies had to be served up.

There are 19 tracks in all on the newest version of Holiday Season with five songs coming from that one album alone, including “Leroy the Red Neck Reindeer”, “Xmas in Jail”, “Santa’s Big Parade”, “Truckin’ Trees For Christmas” and “You Can Call Me Nick”.

Five others join this year’s set list as carryovers from ’07. The few that did get their hands on the original will be pleased to discover that “Merry Muthaf—in’ Xmas” (Eazy-E), “Ain’t No Santa” (Trick Daddy), “Christmas in Hollis” (Run-DMC), ”Happy Holidays, Pt. 1″ (The Ohio Players) and “Santa Sucks” (Bigger Than Plastic) all made the cut.

I remember watching the video to that Run-DMC song over and over again as a kid in the late 1980′s. Eazy-Z obviously took the holiday concept to a different level several years later, and I got to hear all about it each time the cassette deck make its rounds. But if ”Christmas in Hollis” was the view from elementary school and ”Merry Muthaf—in’ Xmas” that of a rowdy teen, than Trick Daddy’s “Ain’t No Santa” is the grown folks way of appreciating what we’ve got during these unpredictable times.

Rounding out the bulk of the album are four songs from the Capital Records Christmas with the Rat Pack collection, featuring Sammy Davis, Jr., Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. The sound of these habitual boozers and late night scenesters crooning holiday ditties fills me with great amusement as I top off another drink before bedtime.

(With the root of this tree firmly planted somewhere in irony, a dog stops by to paint snow a yellow shade beside you…)

In the Music: Take a good look at the cover art sometime of the self titled two-song E.P. from Bigger Than Plastic and tell me the image of a guy with a shotgun standing overtop Mr. Claus isn’t outrageous, in a humorous sort of way, of course. And that’s without mentioning the dead reindeer lying in the snow behind him. The first track is the menacing and somehow refreshing “Santa Sucks” followed by a pretty good cover of “Hello I Love You” by The Doors. I came across this by way of writing music reviews for a now-defunct national magazine once known as IMPACT Press (R.I.P.). IMPACT is also where I came across the included selection by Richard Youngs and where I had the pleasure to sample many of the early projects from Atmosphere.

The more random the songs or bands began to get as the list of options grew seemed to only propel this idea in the early goings. Including The Ohio Players was more than a sign of loyalty to the state from which I hail, just as the inclusion of Weezer had little to do with what I might have inhaled while I was there (ya know, all that factory smog and all). I mean, a song had to be at least mildly decent compared to the others to make the cut, which doesn’t say a lot for those left behind. A song title such as that from The Heliocentrics helped provide a nice break in the action while BT’s finale from atop a comedy stage seemed to bring things full circle, if in the most subtle of ways. I once saw BT perform live at the Orlando Improv, back when the place still existed.

That’s been gone a while now. Just as the many memorable and horrifically forgettable moments of our holiday past. All the more reason to make some new ones, no matter how screwed up they might get in the process.

Happy Muthaf—in’ 2008 Holiday Season (Volume II): “Leroy the Red Neck Reindeer” – [Joe Diffie]; “Merry Muthaf—in’ Xmas” * – [Eazy-E, Atbann Klann, Buckwheat, Menajahtwa]; “Christmas Time All Over the World” – [Sammy Davis Jr.]; “Xmas in Jail” – [Asleep at the Wheel]; “Santa Sucks” * – [Bigger Than Plastic]; “Holiday” – [Weezer]; “Santa’s Big Parade” – [The Louvin Brothers]; “Ain’t No Santa” * – [Trick Daddy]; “I Believe” – [Frank Sinatra]; “If I Was Santa Claus” – [Atmosphere]; “Christmas In Hollis” * – [Run-DMC]; “Nico Winter Song (remix)” – [The Heliocentrics]; “Truckin’ Trees For Christmas” – [Red Simpson]; “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” – [Dean Martin]; “Happy Holidays, Pt. 1″ * – [The Ohio Players]; “Once It Was Autumn” – [Richard Youngs]; “You Can Call Me Nick” – [Dale Watson]; “I’ll Be Home For Christmas (If Only In My Dreams)” – [Frank Sinatra]; “Holidays” – [BT]; ( * = appeared on volume one in 2007)

Christmas is on its way. Are you prepared for the mayhem?

This sketch is a small piece to a much bigger puzzle that was created a little more than a decade ago. It was hardly by design. Just a way to make it through court-order classes as a wild 22-year old. – J.C.

Those parts need places to go. And as time strolls along and the memory bank survives on interest alone, this will be the place where contrasting opinions, thoughts and ideas join together. Mainly for the sake of my own amusement. And of yours too, of course. Many will come from me, some from others. There will be images and ramblings on such minuscule subjects as music, sports, art and booze, all in an effort to create a storage bin for the many possessions of mine. Namely those residing beneath the lid on my head…

It only took Joel the Webmaster two times to show JCCarnz how to turn on the computer and eat a soy bean, all at the same time, at the informal launch of "Joint Contrast" last month.